How to Set Boundaries at Work Without Spontaneously Combusting

Burnout Recovery

26 Jul

I used to think boundaries were for people who wore linen and drank herbal tea. You know, the ones who replied to emails on time, said no without breaking into a full body sweat, and somehow left work at 5 p.m. without dragging the weight of the entire NHS behind them.

Turns out, boundaries aren’t a luxury. They’re a survival skill - especially in healthcare, social care and any job where the word “just” is weaponised into things like:

Can you just squeeze this in before lunch?
Could you just call that family back?
Can you just take over that caseload?

Spoiler: they’re never small asks. And they add up fast. Until one day, your job becomes one long “just” and your nervous system quietly applies for early retirement.

So let’s talk boundaries. The kind that protect your peace, not just your lunch break. The kind that make sustainable work possible. And the kind that don’t turn you into the office villain for daring to have them.

What Boundaries Actually Are

Boundaries are simply the limits you set to protect your time, energy and mental health. That’s it. Not a dramatic wall. Not a rejection of your team. Not a personal failing.

Just: “Here’s what I’m available for and here’s what I’m not.”

But in a workplace culture where burnout is a badge of honour and over-functioning is quietly celebrated, boundary setting can feel... rebellious. Like you’re breaking some unspoken code that says you must always be available, endlessly flexible and preferably psychic.

Signs You Might Need Stronger Boundaries

If you’re nodding at more than three of these, I’m gently sliding a boundary planner across the table:

You feel anxious opening your inbox
You say yes, then regret it immediately
You’re mentally still at work long after you’ve clocked off
You apologise constantly, even when it isn’t your fault
You take on more because explaining why you can’t feels harder

That’s not just people-pleasing. That’s your nervous system quietly waving a white flag.

Why Boundaries Are So Hard in Helping Professions

Healthcare and social care train us not to have boundaries.

You’re taught to go above and beyond. To absorb emotional crises while still hitting KPIs. You’re praised for staying late, taking on more and never complaining.

When your identity is wrapped up in being helpful, saying “no” can feel like failing at being a good person.

But here’s the truth: You can care about your work and still care about your wellbeing. Boundaries aren’t barriers to compassion - they’re what make it sustainable.

The Guilt Is Real, But It’s Not The Boss Of You

Some guilt is normal. But it doesn’t mean you’re doing the wrong thing. It often just means you’re doing something unfamiliar. Like this:

“If I say no, I’m letting them down.”
You’re not letting them down. You’re refusing to let yourself down.
“It’ll be quicker if I just do it.”
Easier now, more exhausting long term. Resentment is a slow burner.
“I should be able to manage this.”
Says who? Your value isn’t measured by how many fires you put out.
“They’ll think I’m being difficult.”
Or they’ll realise you have standards. Not a tragedy.

Practical Ways To Set Boundaries Without Burning Every Bridge

1. Pause Before You Say Yes

A three-second pause is the boundary-setting secret weapon. Say:

“Let me check my workload and get back to you.”
“I’ll need some time to consider whether that’s manageable.”

No need to apologise. You’re allowed to think.

2. Be Direct and Use "I" Language

You don’t owe anyone a monologue. Short and kind works.

“I’m at capacity right now.”
“That’s not something I can do today.”
“I’m logging off at 5. I can pick this up tomorrow.”

If people are shocked, it’s probably because they’re used to you saying yes.

3. Refer Back To Your Role

When everyone’s drowning and you’re the only one with a snorkel, it’s tempting to save everyone. But you are not the emergency backup for the entire organisation.

It is okay to ask:

“Is this part of my role?”
“What’s the priority here?”
“Who else can support this?”

4. Use Scripts For The Harder Conversations

Scripts aren’t fake. They’re scaffolding for your nervous system.

Try:

“I understand this is urgent, but I can’t take it on right now.”
“If I take this on, I’ll need to drop something else. Can we talk about what that would be?”
“I want to help, but this isn’t sustainable for me.”

5. You’re Allowed to Not Carry It All

You are not responsible for everyone’s feelings. Or for fixing every broken system. Or for being the emotional buffer between dysfunction and disaster.

You’re responsible for your own wellbeing. That’s more than enough.

What Happens When You Actually Set Boundaries

At first, you’ll probably feel a bit awkward. Maybe even guilty. Some people will be surprised. A few might not like it. That’s okay.

Then the dust settles. And you start to breathe. You stop mentally working on your commute. You reclaim the small things. Lunch breaks. Evenings. Your personality.

That’s the thing boundaries give you: space to be a person again.

The Burnout-Boundary Link

Burnout isn’t just about overwork. It’s often about a lack of control and clarity. When you have no boundaries, every part of your day is up for grabs.

The emails. The expectations. The guilt. The perfectionism.

Boundaries are what draw the line between helpful and harmful. They stop you from bleeding out emotionally in a job that thanks you with a pizza party (if you’re lucky) and an "Employee of the Month" certificate.

Final Thoughts

You don’t need to earn rest. You don’t need to justify needing space. You don’t need to keep saying yes to prove you care.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re hard to work with. It means you’ve learned to work with yourself.

Start small. Pause more. Say less. And remember: your worth isn’t measured by how much of yourself you give away.

It’s measured by how well you protect what matters.